The Choices we Make
by GlasgowGirl92
Summary: Dr. AJ Jones met two brothers when she was just 16. Through a series of choices, she's ended up working at Holby city hospital as a Neurologist, while the two men who changed her life forever work down stairs. When an RTA brings them together, what choices befall them and will they be able to live with the consequences. rated T to be safe.
1. Domino Effect

**Hello there! I'm new to the fanfic writing portion of the Casualty fandom, but I've been around in this fandom growing up. It was the tale of two brothers that got me really into it though and this multi-chaptered piece will be my first offering. I do take prompts and requests for Casualty; so if you have something that you would like to see me write, drop me a PM and we can work out the finer details. **

**I hope you enjoy this!**

**Kat**

**x**

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><p><strong><span>Domino Effect<span>**

_"So, are you going to be a doctor or a dancer?" Ethan's question seemed loud in the vast space of the rehearsal room I used as practise for ballet in the School of Arts. He was sitting against the wall on the far side of the room next to the sound system while I was beside the mirror, sitting on the floor and chatting while I finished wrapping the ribbons of my ballet shoes around my calves. I rotated my ankle and bit my lip in thought._

_We'd just come from the library where myself and Ethan had looked into applying to prestigious medical schools and the grade requirements. We were both on track and with one of the country's top Neurosurgeons as a father, I knew I had the support to get the grades I needed. The reason for the boy's question, though, was the fact that I was also the daughter of one of the most well-known Ballet dancers in Europe. _

_Getting to my feet I gave a small shrug, raising one leg to rest on the bar and rested my forehead against my knee. "I don't see why I can't do both until I have to choose." I told him, watching him grin in the mirror. He was the quiet type, the thinker. I was always curious as to what was going on behind his little smiles. _

_"You never make decisions, Ally." He pointed out, eyes meeting mine in the mirror when I switched legs. "You always just do things on the spur of the moment and it works for you." _

_It was my turn to laugh then, he was right. I always had been lucky in the sense that I tended to land on my feet when it came to any kind of decision making. I truly believed in following my heart and right now medicine and dance were my two loves; both had come along right at the same time and I would play doctor as a child while wearing my tutu and ballet shoes, lab coat and stethoscope._

_My parents never pushed my brother or I; we had to forge our own paths and make our own choices. I was grateful to them for that, but at sixteen, I needed __some guidance. I needed someone to give me some sort of sign that I had to go either way; I was either going to become my father or my mother's protégée. I began to go through the warm up motions, thinking it over._

_"I am lucky." I spoke finally; meeting the curious gaze of the boy across the room. I shook my legs and bit my lip again. "Sometimes I feel like I'm lost, though, drifting, you know?" I began to take measured steps towards him; breaking into a series of pirouettes and leaps before stopping just short of where I was sitting. "In both of those careers, everything is measured. There's a standard. There's a set of measurable expectations. I can do both; I just need something more than luck to show me where it is I belong." _

_"You'll know." He said confidently. "I was reading about a study carried out in Sweden…" _

_As Ethan spoke, I smiled and nodded. It was interesting; relevant and so incredibly Ethan that I couldn't help the grin that tugged at my lips. He'd been everything I'd needed when I got her from rural Donegal six months ago. My mother had hailed from there and had chosen there for us to be based with her family while my parents chased illustrious dreams and dizzying heights with their careers. I had fiery red hair and a thick Irish accent. Dad had made friends with Ethan's mother and when we were settling here, Ethan – although shy – had taken it upon himself to befriend and make welcome the new girl. We'd fast become friends and I really couldn't imagine a time when I didn't have him as my best friend. _

_He came as a package deal; the baby brother of the infamous Caleb; the polar opposite of his big brother's bad boy. Where he was soft and gentle, Cal was tough and streetwise, where Ethan was polite, Cal was alight with witty remarks and filthy humour. A little older than us; Caleb was already on his way to becoming a doctor; or would be if he and my brother would focus less on girls and booze and more on their careers. Cal was everything all the girls wanted; good looking, looking for a good time and a bad boy with enough of a vulnerable streak to make him irresistible. I found myself fighting both of their corners and watching them both fight each other's while the other wasn't around. If only they could both see it. I had a soft spot for both boys, a need to protect them and try to make them see that they weren't completely and utterly different to the extent that they couldn't be friends. They were brothers, they just couldn't see it. _

_"…in other words; you aren't actually pre-determined to do anything, but the domino effect is definitely in play. So if you have a rehearsal or an audition round about the same time as an exam; you'll soon find out which is more important." Ethan finished, smiling brightly and I nodded before leaning over to press play. _

_"I guess we'll find out soon enough." _

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><p>I counted the steps as I made my way downstairs to the Emergency Department from Neurology. We'd gotten a call from Guy Self asking us if we could spare any staff as the ED was over run due to structural damage closing St. James and a multi-vehical RTA closing the main motorway going in and out of the city. The department was already elbow deep in chaos and were expecting at least as many patients again as they had in their department already. It was my background and expertise that had prompted me to volunteer and my seniors to allow me to go. Although I had been in the neurology department for almost a year, it had been Emergency Medicine that had captured my heart and where I had always thought that I had belonged.<p>

It helped that I knew a few of the doctors and nurses on shift; I'd always made it a point to go and collect patients myself or consult in cases in person, but it was different being back in this situation after being out of it for almost a year. Seeing patients where you had time to chat and examine them, without rushing anyone out of the door was nice, but as the buzz of the ED grew louder, I felt the adrenalin begin to run through my veins and remind me how much I missed this.

"AJ."

My head snapped up at the sound of my name being called and I paused mid step at the absolute carnage that greeted me. There was barely enough room to manoeuvre through the crowd and patients were getting mixed up with anxious relatives. The relief on Zoe Hanna's face as she waved me over was everything I needed to know in that moment. I wouldn't be able to think on this shift, I'd be thrown back into the thick of things and wouldn't have a moment to even breathe. I began to try to tame the mass of flame coloured waves that were framing my face, pulling my hair back and burying the two clips that kept it at bay in among the thick strands.

"Where do you need me?" The question was barely out of my mouth when the other doctor had my arm in a vice grip, hurtling me towards resus. This was my forte; my organisation and ability to multitask is what had drawn me to Emergency Medicine, what had led me around the world and into danger, helping people and saving lives. It took me a second to take in the scene, before I heard myself organising people and patients, asking for aprons and gloves and moving towards the first patient that didn't have a doctor nearby.

"Hello there, can you hear me?" I asked, smiling when the man opened his eyes at my voice. The accent generally caused some sort of reaction and the fact the man recognised it was out of place was a good sign. "My name is Doctor Alicia-Jude Jones." I continued, "You can call me AJ though, everyone but my mother does. What's your name?" I was checking his pupils and other obs, before rattling off instructions to the nurses nearby.

"James." The man replied before his lips turned up in a small grin. "Dr. Jones?" he asked and I chuckled. " 'fraid so." There was nothing this man could say that I hadn't heard a million times, but his current level of coherence was rapidly bringing him from a red to an amber and that was alright with me, I'd listen to the same jokes repeatedly for the next 12 hours if it meant every patient in my care got out of this alive.

James was followed by Andrew, Jessica and Melissa, a ten year old boy called Ben, an 11 year old girl called Samantha and then Justin, a gorgeous four year old who we only managed to get into theatre because I could perform a small procedure which would take an elderly man from red to amber and free up a surgeon to save the little boy's life. I'd been there for three hours, patient after patient, slowly changing the organisation of the room into something that functioned better, something that was more efficient, something that allowed doctors the staff and equipment they needed without having to wait an age for it. I knew it wasn't something that would please the Clinical Lead and it wasn't really something that was incredibly professional and would probably have me getting a serious ticking off from Guy, but she wasn't in this room; she was nowhere to be found in the building at all and it was just this room I was micromanaging. The rest of the department was hers and hers alone.

Knowing full well there had been a trauma team sent to the crash site; getting Resus running was the first and most important thing; setting up cubicles and triage was something that fell into place and knowing Charlie and Tess, would have happened if Connie was here to not. Just as I had changed gloves and moved to the next patient, I heard her heels. The din was loud and almost consuming but I knew when she was around, the room temperature tended to drop into minus and everyone became a lot more productive. I was checking ABC's and mid-sentence with the paramedics when I felt her come to a stop directly behind me, taking over the conversation as I continued to listen and check on the patient. I bit my tongue when she started giving instructions and walking around the bed. She had no aprons, no gloves and was still involving herself in my patient.

The second she began to remove her stethoscope from around her neck my gaze snapped to hers. "Can I help you?" I asked, my brow furrowing as I glared at her.

"I'm clinical lead, I'm assessing—"

"—you've been clinical lead for a few months now. Pretty MIA this morning. I'm a clinical member of staff in this hospital, specialising in trauma care and Neurology, currently assessing a patient with a serious head injury. " I kept checking over the patient, turning to give the nurses a few instructions, feeling the icy glare of the consultant.

"I don't know who you are but this is my department and you can't waltz in here and run it. I have a specific plan of action, we have rules and procedures. This – " she gestured around the room, "—is not how this department works."

I stood up and looked around, as one of the nurses ran to phone for a CT. "it's working just fine. Connie," I pressed on despite her glare and warning that her name was Ms. Beauchamp, "I have years of experience working in war torn countries, working in trauma centres who do this kind of thing day in, day out. Yes, I've been upstairs for a year, but emergency medicine is my bread and butter. You weren't here, I made a few changes and everything is working perfectly. You can change everything back when this room empties, but I need you to trust me on this and the walking wounded need you through in cubicles." I took a deep breath and returned to my patient, and allowing myself a small grin in satisfaction as Connie turned on her heel, phone in hand and marched out of the room.

"You slayed the Dragon." Rita, the blonde nurse told me with a wry grin.

"Nah," I shook my head, a few unruly curls springing free. "I only cut off one of her heads, ten will grow back in its place and I'll be more than happy to hear about the repercussions all the way up in Neuro." I shot back, feeling around the woman's abdomen and shaking my head, "Hold the CT, we have a bleed here. We need to find and cauterise this before we go anywhere near the CT. Keep an eye on the blood pressure, I want an ultrasound in here and I'll need at least four units, cross match." I was lost once again in the flurry of activity, barely hearing Ethan's greeting and not entirely sure if I had returned it out loud or it was merely in my head. Before long I was covered in blood pulling the side of the bed up and nodding to two of the porters who appeared to take the patient to the CT scan. I rolled my neck and pulled at the apron, snapping the gloves off and binning them all as I made my way out of the room.

Five and a half hours was a long time to be in that room and I needed something to regain my focus. We'd gotten over the worst of it; three patients still had to come in but there was more than enough doctors and nurses around to stabilise them while I grabbed myself a coffee and some fruit. I began to make my way through the vastly thinned crowd and smiled at the barista, she was new and buzzing around the waiting room trying to make everyone feel more at ease. As soon as she looked up, I nodded towards the coffee shop and made my way there, grinning as she scurried over and slipped behind the counter.

"What can I get ya?" She asked brightly, "No, wait, don't tell me." She closed her eyes and put her fingers to her temples, taking a few deep breaths and then opening her eyes. "A tea. Really milky, no sugar. Yes?"

I picked up an apple and an orange as I pulled my emergency £10 from my back pocket and shook my head with a smile. "Double espresso, shot of hazelnut. Or caramel." I gave a shrug, my head beginning to pound now that I had stopped for long enough to let my body settle a little.

"Sorry." She gave me a half smile and went about making my coffee.

"I should probably have tea, but I need to keep going." I waved the fruit and she laughed, "You're new around here, I'm AJ." I grinned and she nodded.

"I'm Honey. You must be new, too, we don't get a lot of foreign people like you here. I don't know why you'd want to leave to come and work here." She handed me the coffee and I handed her the money, nodding at her. This was the girl Dr. Hardy couldn't shut up about; she really was something else entirely.

"You're right," I nodded once, taking a sip of the coffee as I pocketed my change and picked up my fruit. "It's nice knowing we have someone down here who can make good coffee, I'll need to drop by more often." With a small wave and a laugh at her response, I turned and began to make my way to the staff lounge, I'd met Ethan here plenty times and knew my way but it felt strange getting there while there was still chaos and carnage around me. Logically I knew though, that if I didn't eat or drink soon I would only be adding to their problems. I used my elbow to open the door, pushing it with my shoulder as I stepped into the room, smirking a little when I saw I wasn't alone.

"Action is out there, batman." I said with a grin, making my way over to the sofa and sinking down beside him, nudging him with my shoulder as I set my things down on the table, and fished my phone out of the pocket in my blouse, I unpinned my hair and laughed when he reached over and began to unpeel the orange for me. His silence wasn't lost on me though, and I gave him a sidelong look as I took a sip of coffee, holding my hand out for a segment of orange. As he wordlessly placed the segment in my palm, I closed my hand and caught his fingers, forcing him to look at me. "Cal," I sighed, letting his hand go to cup the back of his head, "He's saving lives in there; he's okay. You're okay. Hold on to that, alright." I placed a kiss on his cheek before rolling my eyes when he put a few bits of orange in his mouth.

"Thanks, Aqua. I knew I could count on you for food."

I shoved his shoulder hard as we both laughed. I hated the nickname with a passion but I'd gotten off lightly. I could have ended up with something like Nibbles, but if Aqua was all I got then I was a happy girl. "You're an arsehole." I laughed, snatching the rest of the orange from him and nudging him again, keeping my knee against his.

The thing I'd learned very early on with these boys, was how vulnerable they both could be but would never ask for help. Would never let on how much they were hurting. Would never let people in to help unless you worked out a way to insert yourself in their lives to offer the help they needed.

"Yet you keep me around."

I didn't stop him when he reached for my coffee, mainly because I knew it would be a futile attempt but because this was how it always had been between us; easy. "I haven't quite worked out why that is yet. I was thinking of asking Ethan to do a research paper on it." I shot back, smirking when he winced and handed me the coffee. "You know how I take my coffee," I laughed when he reached for the water, gulping it down. "You're ridiculous." I told him finishing off the orange and draining the coffee while he tried to get my phone from my hand and then fought me for the apple.

We were mid-grapple, his larger body practically pushing me into the sofa, my legs bent awkwardly as my back was twisted, trying to get away from him when the door opened and we both looked, laughing as we righted ourselves, a very confused looking nurse standing in the doorway. Robyn, I think her name was, she'd helped me treat a patient before moving to help Ethan.

"Dr. Jones, you're needed in Resus, one of the walking wounded collapsed, possible head trauma. He's getting a head CT now, but Dr. Hanna asked me to get you." Her words came out in a rush as I got to my feet, putting my hair back into the clasps and righting my blouse. I gave Cal a playful kick.

"No problem," I nodded, "Worst influence ever, dinner tonight?" I asked over my shoulder, as I made my way to where Robyn was, putting my phone in my pocket and turning waiting for his answer.

"I, uh, have plans with Taylor tonight." He said, a small smile on his face in way of an apology. Something about the thought of Cal staying with the one girl for more than one night made me grin so I nodded at him, pausing at the door.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm impressed she's putting up with you this long." I gave him a smile and headed back out into the busy room that I had momentarily forgotten existed while I carried on with Caleb. I could feel Robyn watching me and gave her a grin. "We grew up together. And when I say we, I mean Ethan and I. I don't think Cal ever will." She merely nodded and continued to walk.

"Why did you leave this?" She asked gesturing around and I laughed and shrugged, sighing when resus came into view and the chaos that was inside of it. We both paused at the door as I turned to face her, my teal coloured eyes meeting her baby blues; "Domino Effect." I told her, pushing the door open and making my way into the room. "What have we got?"


	2. Discussions and Directions

**A/N: Thank you so much to those who have reviewed and read the first chapter. Reviews do mean a lot and give me more motivation to get this all written for you. A few things about this chapter; please allow for artistic license, I know a lot of this is actually not how anything at all would work, but I'd like you to go along with me for the most part. Another main thing is this will not end up being and Ethan and Honey pairing, I just think that those two really could bring out another side to each other and they deserve a little fun. Bear with me. **

**Last but not least, please enjoy!**

**Kat x**

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><p><span>Discussions and Directions<span>

_"You did so well." Ethan was practically buzzing as he walked beside me, almost bouncing on his toes as he relayed my performance. "You just moved so fluently and your lines were fantastic. They'd be mad not to let you in now." His smile was so bright and infectious I couldn't help but return it._

_"Well, there were faults, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. Even if it turns out that you're the only one." I grinned, pushing my bag further onto my shoulder as we made our way to the car park. My mother was in Paris and my father had been called away to a major operation, so my brother had been sent to collect us from the Audition. _

_"Oh, nonsense." Ethan told me, his fingers gripping the strap of his bag as he fell into step with me, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he spoke. "You look so different with your hair pulled back like that." He was mumbling and fumbling and I found it sweet. _

_"Yeah, when I'm not channelling Mufasa, I do tend to look like a normal person." I grinned back at him and he laughed. Really laughed. He stopped, head thrown back as he giggled and I felt a surge of pride. I loved making Ethan laugh. He was always so serious that when he did let go, when he was awkwardly funny or when he found something hysterical, he was completely and utterly beautiful. I smoothed my hand along my hair, my mass of wild waves had been well and truly tamed into a neat bun. It had taken almost an hour to make my hair look like this, but for this moment of hilarity it was more than worth it. _

_"What's so funny?" Caleb's arm wrapped around my shoulder and my brother practically tackled Ethan. I rolled my eyes and shrugged out of his grip, giving him a small shove and giving my brother an almost glare. He was head and shoulders taller than Ethan and tended not to play very nice, he didn't mean anything by it, but he was much stronger than Ethan was and he tended to forget that Ethan wasn't just as tough._

_"The thought that you two jokers are actually doing work." I retorted and Ethan have a small chuckle before retreating in on himself; all joking and light were gone. I frowned a little but said nothing and fell into step with him as my brother and Cal joked around behind us, only coming to a stop when I turned around. "Where is the car?" I asked, walking backwards and levelling my brother with a glare. He knew how I felt about him teasing Ethan and he was eyeing him up as he usually did when he had some sort of scheme going on._

_"You'll surely be able to see a white Landrover. It's the only one in the whole place." Grey told me, returning the look before smirking. I knew then he would have something planned. _

_"Thanks." I nodded, and leaned forward, tugging on Ethan's blazer sleeve. I never usually touched him; he seemed to have a thing about physical contact; he would only appreciate it if he made the first move. I couldn't wait for my brother to pull one of his tricks, so I tried to distract him as much as possible. I tried dragging him into conversation about the biology test we had coming up; about the chemistry test we'd sat the previous day. I tried everything on the way to the car; but it was met by almost a stone wall of silence. I realised, too, that Caleb was quiet; my brother was doing the chatting and the plotting, the laughing and the joking._

_It occurred to me then what was wrong. Caleb being here meant that there was only one parent at home and it wasn't their mother. It meant that they'd both want to be out of the house. It wasn't that their father was abusive towards them; he was just a cold, cruel man who liked to cause the rift between the brothers, create divides between them and place completely unnecessary pressure on their shoulders. Ethan was pressured to be perfect; to be more laid back to be the most knowledgeable. Caleb was pressured to be more like Ethan, to be smarter, to be less of a party animal, to think more, work harder. He could never see that he had two brilliant children; two amazing sons that would have shining careers if he would only let them have them. If he would let them be themselves. If both of their parents would. I curled my fingers around Ethan's wrist and gave a gentle squeeze, his eyes coming to meet mine as he stumbled slightly. _

_"It's alright." I whispered, low enough for him to hear. "come to mine tonight. Study with me." I said; before casting a quick look over my shoulder before finishing a little louder. "Please, Ethan, I need your help. There's no way I'll be able to ace this test tomorrow if you don't help me out a little." I turned to Caleb then, too, casting pleading eyes on the other boy. "Medicine Man. Help." _

_I didn't need the help. I had this in the bag. Aside from Ballet, the sciences were my forte, but I knew Ethan wouldn't come over to mine if Caleb was going and vice versa. My brother raised a brow and I smirked. "What's wrong, you scared your friend is going to like me better?" _

_"Shut up. Going from me to you is like going from an 8oz steak to a greasy burger." _

_I let out a loud laugh and was relieved when both of the brothers relaxed a little and Cal laughed. "You're right," I nodded, crisis averted, smiling when I felt Ethan's fingers curl with mine. "You are good for him; but I'm one of those things that is just so wrong, but so good and so right." I smirked at Caleb who winked back, causing my brother to frown and shove him, his muttered warning for Caleb to stay away from me was drowned out by Ethan Hardy's laughter. _

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><p>I was still in my glasses, hoodie and a pair of ratty old short shorts when my phone rang. It wasn't often I'd managed to get two days off in a row; my own fault entirely, I tended to put myself in for over time in other, more general departments. For the past two days though, I'd done next to nothing; a few loads of washing, had my hair trimmed, went swimming, slept, caught up on rubbish TV. It had been mind-numbing but exactly what I had needed after the stint in the ED.<p>

The ED staff had invited me for drinks afterwards and I'd grabbed a bite to eat with Ethan on the way home. It was nice to watch him work, especially after the accident, even if he still wasn't firing on all cylinders. I had to admit, I was worried when I heard the major incident was an RTA, Ethan had told me he'd been worried about it during one of our weekly hangout sessions. We usually had food of some sort, then spent hours just chatting about life and work and whatever else. Getting Ethan into his comfort zone was still one of my favourite things. Still something that I never tired of doing and found myself looking for things that I knew I could drop into conversation with him just to see that smile.

I grinned at the caller ID, Ethan asleep on some research paper or another. "Hello, Dr sexy and what are you wearing right now?" I asked, voice low and seductive, laughing when Ethan coughed and spluttered on the other side of the phone.

"Alicia, you have to stop that." He chided, "Anyone could be calling you from my phone." He sounded amused though, as he always did and I gave a shrug before realising he couldn't see me.

"Then they'll learn just how much fun you have when you're not in scrubs." I smirked, making my way into the kitchen for more coffee. I picked up the mug Ethan had gotten me, smiling at it while he tried to pretend he was mad at me on the other side of the phone. The bold red lettering read; _I have way too much blood in my coffee stream! _It suited me to a T and was my favourite mug.

"I need your advice," he began and I hummed in agreement. "I want to ask Honey out on a date."

It was my turn to splutter. Not because I really thought that he was going to be asking someone out on a date; but that he had managed to say it without having a minor break down. "Well then, Dr. Hardy." I flicked the kettle on and boosted myself onto the breakfast stool. "You're looking to get yourself some Honey, huh?" I could practically feel him losing patience with me over the line.

"AJ…" he sighed and I took pity on him.

"You could have asked your big brother," I told him with a small smile on my face, thrilled he'd come to me and not Cal. "He seems to have gotten himself all settled down now." I was confused by the noise that Ethan made at the other side of the line but I chose to ignore it and help Ethan. "What I don't get though," I continued, "is why you feel like you need to ask for help, you can do this. You'd done it numerous times before."

I got up to continue making my coffee while Ethan began his sentence four different times before settling on. "She's different."

I snorted and shook my head. "You could say that." I agreed, "but maybe different is what you need? I mean, isn't that the point right now? What you usually go for isn't working, so you change it up. Have fun, Ethan, you don't need to go looking for a wife and kids all the time. You can look for fun and see what happens." I took my coffee back into the living room to curl up into the sofa, and knew Ethan was thinking over what I was saying.

"But what if she says no?" He asked finally and I grinned.

"But what if she says yes?" I countered, taking a sip and snuggling into the cushions. "You can't live your life in a game of what ifs, Ethan, you make choices and you live with them. If you ask her out and she says no, then she's said no, you dust yourself off, we have curry and beer and then you move on. If she says yes, you take her out for curry and beer and thank me later."

"This is why I came to you." He admitted, and I could hear the smile in his voice, "I knew you'd tell me how it is and not how to actually ask her out."

"That's because you don't need to be told how, you just needed to be told you could." I smiled when he cleared his throat; a silent Ethan spoke louder than an Ethan who was chatting away. "What is it?" I asked finally, growing nervous at the length of time he was taking to work out how to phrase what he was going to say. The last time he took this long to tell me something was when his mother's illness had become terminal and he had no idea how to deal with it.

"I think he wants to marry her." He blurted out and I frowned.

"You think Caleb wants to marry Taylor?"

"Yes. I'm pretty sure he bought a ring and wants to marry her, Alicia."

The distress in Ethan's tone made me sit up and put my coffee down. The fact he called me Alicia was always a give-away; if I became Alicia-Jude then it was all out DEFCON One. "Why is Cal wanting to Marry Taylor a bad thing? I thought you liked her, thought you said she was a good influence on our boy." I asked carefully; knowing that this could go one of two ways. It was always a fifty/fifty shot with Ethan. I'd yet to meet Taylor personally, but Cal was much nicer, much calmer now than he had been and Ethan had told me wonderful things about the woman so his distress was throwing me for a loop.

"She is lovely. She's a wonderful influence on Caleb and I'm happy that he's with someone like her." He said softly and I cleared my throat.

"Someone like her but not her?"

"That's not what I meant, I just don't want him making a mistake, it's too soon." He sighed and I could imagine him pacing around his living room.

"Ethan, first of all, you need to breathe and secondly, he's young and in love. If he wants to make like Beyonce said and put a ring on it, then let him. He's a big boy and this is his mistake to make." I could tell that he was barely listening to me; but tried my hardest to persuade him anyway. "You let him make his own mistakes before, why is this any different?"

"It just is, okay. Because this is something that he can't ever come back from. If Jamie asked you to marry him now would you say yes?" The question came so fast I could feel my head spin. Jamie was my boyfriend and had been for the past four years; he was a fighter piolet in the RAF and was away a lot on duty. Being in Holby meant I was closer to him than I would be if I'd taken other offers elsewhere, but sometimes I wanted to lose the anchors keeping me here and go back on the road, back into the action. Back to the person I had been when we first met.

"He could get a divorce." I pointed out, still pondering the question Ethan had asked, knowing he would come back to it. "And I don't know what I would say to Jamie, we're different. It is different when it comes to other relationships. Caleb and Taylor aren't the same as Jamie and I. Just like you and Honey are a completely different kettle of fish to us, too."

"There is no Honey and I, divorce is pretty permanent and you two have been together for at least four years, not four months, and you won't consider marriage." He pointed out and I rolled my eyes; this wasn't about me. This was about his deep seated fear that Caleb was going to get himself into some sort of trouble that Ethan couldn't get him out of. That he was somehow going to fail in looking after his older brother like his mother had asked of him.

"Yet, there is no Honey and you, yet." I insisted. "Well, so is marriage, you sort of need permanent to remove permanent." I pointed out, feeling a knot forming in my stomach. "And it's not that we won't consider it; but why fix something that isn't broken? I'm not ready to be someone's wife yet, Ethan, but that's me. That's not anyone else. It's me." I finally admitted, a little exasperated by the phone call.

"Caleb was sleeping with a different woman every night he went out until he met her. He was _hungover _when he met her, AJ. He's turned into someone I don't recognise and I don't know what to do. The past year…" Ethan trailed off and I sighed, falling back into the cushions.

"The past year has been pretty crap to you, Eth, but you need to let it go and walk away. There's things that were always going to happen and things you might want not to have happened and things that were avoidable, but you need to let go." I told him softly, knowing the kind of memories I'd be dragging up. "Yes Cal has been a million different people this year, but at the end of the day, he's still your pain in the arse big brother that you missed something fierce when he was away even if you can't admit it. One day at a time, Ethan. Just take it one day at a time."

I had to admit, even if it was just to myself, seeing Cal actually show his emotions, actually showing how worried he was and become the over protective big brother that I knew he was, it was weird to observe. I waited for a few beats, a throbbing forming in my head and could practically hear Ethan thinking and filing and hypothesising over the phone. "Things like what you both have been through change you. They change how you view things, they change how you think and how you feel about different situations. You just need to work through that, one day at a time." I kept my voice soft; we both knew that this was one of the few things wherein I knew what I was talking about; wherein I could give him advice.

"It's such a cliché is it not?" He asked quietly, "one day at a time." He sighed and I heard rustling around and then I realised I was right and he had been pacing. "I've been trying to live one day at a time; but I'm still off and I shouldn't be. Everyone else is moving along nicely and I just seem to be still stuck there for the most part. I just feel so lost sometimes."

He sounded so lost I wanted to hug him, to wrap him up in cotton wool and lock him away from the world. "Ethan, I highly doubt that everyone is just fine. It's only been a few months and it's just through the Christmas Period. You have this one life and things will happen, good and bad, the domino effect, remember?" I prompted, "You're not lost, Ethan, you have too good a sense of direction and too many people around you who are damn good with Google Maps to let you get lost. You're not alone. You need to remember that."

He made a very non-committal noise at the other end of the line and I sighed. Trying to make him see sense was even harder than it was with his bone head of a brother. "I mean it, snoopy." I heard a small chuckle from him and I grinned. "I know that you can do this. You are an amazing doctor, a fantastic brother and an incredible friend. But more than that, you're Ethan Hardy. And you are unique and strong enough to handle this. Lean on those around you; a problem shared and all that. Lord knows you've carried us often enough, let us help you." My accent was more pronounced now and I felt a lump forming in my throat as my eyes got a little glassy.

When Cal had shown up in Neuro looking like he'd been hit by a truck, I knew there was something wrong. He couldn't even get the words out. He couldn't tell me that Ethan was hurt, that he was weak and frail, but stable. He couldn't make the words come out of his mouth; he simply looked at me with heartbreak in his eyes and I had to try to make sense of what he was trying to convey. He'd taken my hand and linked our fingers before leading me to Ethan's room. It wasn't the vision of Ethan in that bed, wires and tubes and cuts and bruises that I recalled, that made my palms sweaty and my heart race, it was the sheer devastation on Caleb's face that I always recalled.

"You always know." Ethan told me, "You always know exactly what to say. Thank you." He stated and I grinned, despite the fact I was still trying to process what exactly had happened in the last half hour. "You've always been able to make things better."

"That's the thing, Ethan, I don't make them better. I just decode your thoughts and help you get them into some sort of order that makes sense to you. Stop being so hard on yourself and get round here. Bring me food and we'll talk about getting you some Honey." Ethan choked on the other side of the line before cracking up and I did a little victory dance.

"You have no idea the relevance of that statement." He got out through waves of laughter.

"Bring me sweet and sour chicken and spare ribs and you can tell me all about it."

* * *

><p>"The ED are on the line; need someone to assess a patient," Chloe the receptionist stuck her head around my office door where I and a few other Neuro's where having a discussion about some papers which had been recently published. Without thinking, I stood and slung my stethoscope around my neck, clipping my ID badge onto the pocket of my dress and grabbed for my blazer.<p>

"Tell them I'm on my way, Chloe." I nodded towards the receptionist and resisted the urge to flip my co-workers off as they began to tease me about my willingness to go down to the riff-raff. "What can I say?" I shrugged, pausing in the doorway and giving them a smirk. "A woman needs some excitement in her life and you just aren't enough anymore, sorry boys." I gave a sympathetic smile before laughing as I made my way to the elevators, hitting the down button and chewing on my bottom lip as she slipped my coat on.

It had been close to three weeks since I'd helped out in the RTC. Close to two weeks since Ethan and I had had a discussion about decisions and whether to not I'd make a return to Emergency Medicine and he would move into a department out of the ED. It had been during that discussion that I'd confessed that I did in fact miss the commotion and the hustle and bustle of a busy department, of being rushed off of my feet. He'd spoken to Connie in passing and it had been a week since Guy Self had dropped into my office to discuss a possible change to my work timetable and contract which would allow for me to split my shifts between both departments. The ED was under staffed; Neuro were technically over staffed. It made sense.

I hadn't made my decision. Hadn't spoken to anyone else about it but Guy wanted an answer within the next day or two and I honestly had no idea which way to go. Everything about it made sense. It was the best of both worlds and everything I needed and wanted. When the elevator doors opened and I was assaulted by the noise and the chaos, I blinked once before moving, just as the doors began to close. I had been so deep in thought I'd managed to get myself here without thinking about it. I deliberately chose to ignore how I managed to do that and I made my way to Resus, pushing the door open and taking the gloves offered to me, giving Connie a smile.

"You rang?" I held my hand out for the offered notes and flicked through them listening as Connie told me briefly about the patient, I nodded before hooking the notes back on the bed and getting my light out of my pocket and walking up to the head of the bed. "Hello, Carlie." I spoke clearly, sighing and turning to Connie. "Her left pupil is blown, didn't think to mention that to me?" I shook my head when Connie frowned and made her way to look, both of us immediately barking out requests and instructions to the nurses before I moved to the phone to get a space in theatre.

"She's arrested." Rita called and there was a flurry of activity and I found myself part of it again; administering a small dose of adrenaline and starting compressions while Connie took up my post, arguing for surgery space. I could do the procedure, _would _do the procedure, we just needed space and an anesthetist and surgical team.

"Keep her head as steady as possible, you need to try to contain the bleed." I told her as she nodded, I continued with compressions, only looking away from the girl at the sound of Caleb's voice as he brought in his patient. He looked over and quirked a brow at me.

"Neuro coming down to do CRP, I'm impressed. Just can't keep away can you?"

"Someone has to show you how it's done," I quipped back, stopping compressions when Rita stated it had been a cycle, asking Connie for a pulse check and shaking my head before resuming compressions, only to pause when Connie announced that there was output. "We need to get her on the table, Connie, it's the bleed that's causing this. We need to reduce the bleed and get a drain in or we'll lose her."

"Theatre are taking her when we're ready." Connie said as the nurses flurried around, getting things ready.

"I'll take her down; I'd appreciate it if I could borrow Rita, though, while I get prepped for surgery." I ventured, smiling at the nurse when Connie granted my request.

"Have you given him an answer yet?" Connie asked as she slipped her gloves off.

"No."

"I think you should give him it before you change your mind."

"I haven't—"

"You had before you even left Neuro to come down here."

I stopped in my tracks watching as the Clinical lead gave me a knowing smile and walk out of Resus, leaving me to scramble to get myself together as we wheeled the patient out of the room. I ignored Cal's questioning glance, and Rita's, too. Connie was right. I did have my answer, I just wasn't sure what chain of events it would set off if I gave it.


End file.
